Lessons in "Cattitude"

“Life Would Be Purr-fect If Only You Would  Listen To Your Cat”


by T.G.


     Being the “All-Knowing Feline Goddess of Everything and Everyone” has allowed me to see the flaws in my two-legged staff. Ever generous (at least for the moment), I have decided to impart my wisdom upon them; that they might correct these flaws and live a more feline-emulated life. Still feeling generous (only temporarily, I hope), I will also share my wisdom with you so that you might better serve your own feline employers (not that I care one way or the other).



Without further delay, I present lesson number one:

      First, you must stretch…everything “feline” always begins with a really good stretch. Ah, now doesn’t that feel better? I often find that a tremendous yawn is also appropriate at this time.



      To adopt a feline-emulated lifestyle the first thing you must change is your “cattitude.” My staff would run around on their two legs acting as if every trivial little thing in life mattered. Cats know this is simply not true. Life will go on…unless, of course, you die; or forget to feed the cat…in that case, you will wish for death.
      If you remember that it is important not to glisten (sweating is too disgusting to think about) the small stuff; everything in your life will move smoothly into place. Repeat this with me… “The sun will still come up tomorrow, even though I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning today.” Of course, if you would let your fur just grow instead of always shaving it off, you really wouldn’t need to worry about the dry cleaner (but that will be a lesson for another time).



      This is true of everything from forgetting to buy milk to losing your job. If you change your “cattitude” about life then you can say things like, “we need to drink more water anyway” or “I was looking for a job when I found that one.”
      In life, if a door closes, all you need to do is move to the window; as long as your whiskers can clear the space you will move through effortlessly. My senior staffer, Roxanna has adopted this cattitude for herself. She has found her life to be happier and less stressful. I really hope she doesn’t forget to feed the cats, especially after she has gotten so far in her training.



      If you just remember to adopt the “cattitude” that "no matter what happens, it is not as important as my cat’s happiness” then your life will flow as smoothly as cream. Speaking of cream…where is Roxanna with that bowl?